Timothy's Diary

The Call of the Apostle

Yas Island, Abu Dhabi, UAE
Timothy Behrsin

call of the apostle

The Teaching of the Apostle

I have been taught by Jesus in a way to have His gifts removed from me, to suffer confusion and desires conflicting with commonly held Wisdom and Teaching. This is to experience free will and loss of faith.

It culminates in having had an experience of what others who are not called to the Apostolate experience, with the knowledge they have of what they are experiencing at the time they grow and mature in Wisdom.

I know only what I am given knowledge of at the time I write His Word to you. This is represented in this diary, as well as other diaries I have written.

The growth in Understanding and Wisdom is to show I am entirely human. Although I am made in the image of God, I am not God, nor do I possess God’s Power, but instead His Spirit is in me.

Jesus has always been in me, he has guided me in Wisdom and Understanding since my conception, and I have learned everything I have from Him.

No words have I ever thought, said or written which were not the words God gave me to think, say and write.

This is the same with everything in His Creation, we all follow His Will.

Why then are we taught, if it is only to experience His teaching, and that God does not just impart knowledge in a moment?

Jesus demonstrated to the world the Call of the Apostle. He speaks, and it is.

They had want and knowledge to follow Jesus at the moment Jesus told them. This was not that His Will waited for a moment where their hearts would be ready to accept Him, but instead their hearts were prepared to accept Him at the moment He spoke. They knew what they knew at the time they knew it.

They also had rich lives before they were called, most of which are not recorded, they sensed a desire to be called to holiness, but did not know anymore than they were sinful in wanting this. However, see in Saul of Tarsus an example, St Paul. He demonstrated an evil intent in what he did in persecuting the Christians, and his conversion was in a brief period of time while he was blinded by the vision of Our Lord. The teaching he received in those hours and days was to experience and confirm his knowledge. It was to feel confident in what was true. It was not the end to His Teaching for Paul.

When God imparts His Knowledge to us, we experience a feeling of knowing something we did not know before. We feel a sense of confidence in a certain truth which He has provided us. When we are taught, it is the case that certain truths are masked. God will never teach a true Prophet what is false, and that the teaching is recorded and written.

The modern internet has allowed for a different style of teaching from Our Lord. Where things can be written and then edited and deleted. Jesus knows what is recorded for eternity.

And so it is, I have known and written, from the teaching Our Lord has given me, some things which were not true. These have not been all lost, however they will be revealed in a way that is demonstrating the method God teaches the Apostle, and they also will be known to be true one day.

These things were to exist when Our Lord chose them to exist. He revealed to me what He intended to reveal at every point.

What is experience then? Why do we experience if we don’t really need it?

We do need it. This is the meaning of Life.

Life is Experience.
Life is time, space, matter and energy itself.
Life is His Creation.
Life is the manifestation of His Love for us.
It is that we are given Life to live, and He wants us to experience His Beauty.
We are all called to this.
This Life is Beauty.
It is Him.

Why did I write different words about evil before than I have done now? It is for the reader to understand I am being taught as I write. I am learning from Jesus as I write and experience Life. I am being told to write every word I write.

Before that, He leaves me in a sense of unknowing, asking me questions as to what I am experiencing.
Even to the point in my case sometimes of believing He has left me, He is Satan, and I am going to hell.

This is short lived, and He provides Peace on this journey. He loves His Apostle, and wants nothing more than to reward him with His Love when the teaching is complete.

The experience is joyous, even though I am suffering. Experience leads to faith, and it is that we are given confidence in this faith as we experience.

How do we know that there is a Heaven? One may have doubts one day that God, Our Creator, is just creating us and destroying us, and we are unknowing of anything that happens after. We don’t see it, we only know what God tells us. It could be Heaven is something we don’t want to go to. It could be Heaven is just living in a boring place for all eternity.

Why would God give such a person doubts?

Look at the way leaves on a tree grow out of branches, the root provides nourishment to the branches, but the branches are nothing without their fruit. The purpose of the tree is to live, not to produce fruit. But Life for a tree cannot be without all its parts.

So it is with Life. We are given everything we need to live, but the individual parts of Life are not the purpose of our existence. Faith is the fruit of Experience. Doubt is the method of Teaching.

Experience, Desire and Wisdom are some facets of life which I know of, however these are not all I know I will be taught. Nor will what I will be taught in my lifetime be a complete revelation of Wisdom and Love.

The true purpose of Life can be summarised as God’s Will, but this we will never know. So how can we know answers to questions of Life? It is unanswerable. There is a reason for this: it is talking of the realm of God Himself. Outside of Heaven and Earth. No philosophical thought in all of Creation can ever say what the realm of God consists of or is. It is completely unanswerable and no one will ever experience it for all eternity. What God says to us we can have faith in. But I am told right now He will never reveal this to anyone, Heaven or Earth. Any Wisdom to the contrary is for the Apostle to understand.

Any creature experiencing death knows it is coming. Even those who are given only a moment’s warning have knowledge.

All recognise that it is the end and there is no way out. That it is their time to go to Him.

It should be known that not all are taught what they need, to experience a desire to rest and go to Him. Some experience a knowledge that the hour is at hand and regret what they have done.

Apostles know more.

I know the day in which I will die.

It is encoded in the Prophecy of 2118. It is the 82nd year.

I know by that time the Lord will have prepared me for a holy death. He will provide teaching to the Church after my death that I am with the Congregation of Saints.

He will have prepared me for all that is to come by the time it happens, including the knowledge of harm that will be caused to me by an innocent person later in my life, and knowledge of what I will say to him in the moments before he does it.

These prophecies are to be experienced. They will not be true for me until they are. I can only have faith in them, and in His Gifts. Experience confirms faith and gives us true knowledge.

When the Apostle is taught, she is given Wisdom from God. Wisdom needs to be gained along with Understanding. When we read signs and visions, we understand only what we’re given to understand. The Understanding we are given is for the receiver to know and to teach. The same words, even in the Holy Bible, can have different meanings for different people. This is the way God imparts Knowledge.

Take for example lyrics to a song. They are sometimes abstract and quite obtuse. Such works can be received as prophecies of a persons life by one person, when there is a completely different intention for the author or someone else. Why would it be that God does this?

There is Wisdom in every mouth.

We do need to experience the teaching He gives us. Not just Knowledge, Understanding and Teaching but all three combined.

‘Those with ears hear’ means that those with Understanding may understand what they understand. This understanding is provided by Jesus. ‘Those whose hearts are hardened’ means that those who are not to Understand a meaning will not make sense of it, and may indeed never believe any explanation of it. It is about who is called, and who is not called. Who is chosen for that teaching and who is not chosen for that teaching. Who God wants to understand and who God does not want to understand.

And so it was with the Parables of Jesus.

Even in prayer, we can pray for Understanding, and we may not understand until the hour has come for Him to reveal a Message to us.

This is His Will.

The Wisdom of the Apostle

Desire is given to His People to experience what it is they need to do. The Apostolate is called to experience both human desires and the Desire of Christ. This is a deeply spiritual experience that will leave the Apostle with much joy.

Things will be taught to the Apostle in ways she will know is true, and others will disbelieve her. This is her calling, and it is the suffering Jesus showed us in His own family. Ask for Jesus to make your paths straight. Do what you want when you are given want to.

It is all for His Reason. It is not fathomable, except in the Wisdom and Understanding bestowed upon the Apostle.

Jesus guides us in our hearts to prepare us in what we are to do. The Apostle feels an urge, an utterance of the heart, to give her confidence that what she is doing is what she wants to do. But it is more than that. That urge does indeed lead to where the Apostle will go. It gives her her path. Know it is desire from God.

An urge is given to do something, this leads to an action through impulse. This is the same for all Creation. It is His Word living within us. It is entirely as Jesus taught, His Holy Spirit.

When we have an urge which we have no impulse for, this is to show that there is something coming. We know to wait in that desire, and to know why we feel it. This is confirmed over time through His Teaching, through Wisdom and Understanding relayed to us through Experience.

Let the Lord guide you in all that you do, and slowly in those days you are called to learn and trust that He is giving you what you need to discover Him. Take Wisdom from the teachings you are shown, and know all books, all signs, all messages from every mouth are for you to find.

Everything Jesus does is for us to experience Life.

These words from secular literature are given in the hour you find them. They are from Him and the personal understanding you have of them is for your teaching.

Anxiety is created within us when we need it. For the Apostle, she will find she is at times anxious. This anxiety leads to a desire to do something. The desire leads to an impulse, and the anxiety begins to dissipate. When we feel anxiety we are being called to do something. For the Apostle this is not just teaching, and it is not a nice feeling to have. But for you it will be short lived. This feeling is for you to be guided by, for all people. Live and know to do what it is you do at the time you do it.

Pray to Jesus the words that are in your thoughts when they are given, they are the words you want to say to Him. When you start to hear His Word in your thoughts, you will know it is Him who is the verbalisation you have been hearing throughout your life, and you will know He has guided you since you were born. The desire you have to pray is from Him. The desire you have to speak to your thoughts is from Him. It is for you, not for Him.

That verbalisation is given to many people, it is not just the Apostle. Most people will experience this verbalisation of their thoughts in their lifetime. It is not something that everyone will experience, and it will not always be there. The Apostle will eventually discover that there is Knowledge within them that says certain words in this verbalisation are indeed Him. The illusion of free thought will govern the rest of their verbalisation.

When we are being truly guided through our Wisdom, Understanding, Desire and Love, we will hear no more than what it is God tells us at the hour He gives us those thoughts. Make your paths straight for the Lord your God. He is doing it, you just need to follow the winding path to the straight road.

Be confident in your Calling, my dear Apostle. Your thoughts are with Him, in Him, through Him, from Him and most often of Him.

What desire came to you when you were reading this Book? Where were you before it happened? What desires led you to the present moment?

Now you are starting to see more. When was it you felt His Desire in your heart? Take a few moments to sit with the thoughts you have and know He has brought you to this very moment. The hour is not known to me, but the prophecy remains.

This is Jesus’ teaching for all people, not just the Apostle. However this is written here to help the Apostle not suffer in the way I had to.

This teaching on Desire was known to many Saints. It is that it makes complete sense when it is explained, and it is a complete teaching without any errors. Saints did not write down all they were taught, and all they experienced, but there are references to this in the Holy Bible, let’s explore some of those. The Apostle will have the words He gives them from Holy Scripture in their thoughts very soon.

There is more to say for the Apostle when you hear from Him. Teaching He will give you which you will see is new knowledge that has never been known before. Confirm your understanding of that Knowledge through Experience. He is guiding you in your thoughts, wants and knowledge to where He is taking you.

Your paths will be straighter than mine, I have known it to be true for the coming Apostles.

This teaching is for all people. Find Wisdom in what you want to take, and build on the teaching given to the whole world. That teaching has always been from Jesus.

Why do we have desires when we are servants of the Most High? We are given want because that is Life. It is that He will show the Apostle impulses without any urge to do those things, and vice versa.

Jesus needs you because the want He has for you is so great. Jesus has desires in His Heart which are for the Apostle and the lay-clergy to experience when the hour comes.

Why do people do things they do not want to do? Because they have impulses, and know no more than they are doing what they do not want to do. Many people experience discomfort when doing this, and that is what is their Teaching.

People also have want to do something, but do not do it. This is also provided by the Lord. Why is this so?

When we want and long for something to happen, and we feel it is completely within our control to do so, it is because God is showing us it will not be right now. It is for something we see in our hearts, and no more. It is to gain knowledge and experience of our hearts desires, but the time is not right for it to be fulfilled.

Pray the words you want to pray to Him, the words He gives you, to learn more.

Jesus takes you by the hand and guides you through Wisdom, Knowledge, Understanding, Desire and Experience. These are the gifts He gives to His Apostle.

No one here on Earth knows more than they are given knowledge of by the Most High.

Everyone experiences these gifts, but they have no knowledge that they are anything but free. They are eluded by God in their knowledge and experience. God has created the illusion of free will to give us joy. That His Miracles are not born out of robotic actions, that our experience is purely natural. It is not.

It makes sense to those who understand philosophy that God’s Will is complete. It has no meaning other than all things were predestined. That is, free will is nothing but an illusion.

The Love of the Apostle

There is a reason for what Jesus has provided. His Love is Him. It is what God is, pure Love.

He has already shown this to us, by creating us, by leading His People to where we are today, by creating a resting place for us, and by showering His People with all the gifts they have.

Love is to be found by the Apostle in her heart. She will experience feelings of love and of distaste. All that is in her heart is provided by the Lord God, those feelings are provided by Him at the time she needs them.

Is everyone an Apostle? It is quite not the case, but it is what we all have in our hearts through desire. Those who recognise this will understand that God is Love. The Apostle wants no more than for others to experience what she experiences. This Love in Christ is to share through her teaching. She will write words that will live on for all generations. Her words are from her heart, and that is the Love of Jesus.

Jesus came to suffer the sins of many on the Cross in His Passion. He came down from Heaven to celebrate this mystery with His Apostles.

People of all faiths, all cultures, all sexes, receive Love in their lives. What does a celibate man or woman want in their lives? They have no want for children when the time comes to devote their life to Him. They may suffer in their lustful desires, and know no more than they are sinful. They are not sinful, it is patient endurance they are called to in their desires.

What those people do they do for a reason known only to the Apostle. This teaching is provided by Jesus to the Apostle, and is for them to share when they are given want to.

Jesus gives His Love to us in a sacred union through His Holy Spirit. The Apostle experiences His Divine Nature in a way others cannot. She learns from the Holiest all that is given to the world in His Love, and she is satisfied wholly with the Love she receives.

She is never wanting for anything or anyone, always satisfied by what is given her.
She has desires only for what she wants when she wants it, and these desires are satiated.
She loves those He gives her to love, and has cruelty for the things that displease Him.
She wants no more than to have Jesus with her.
She needs no more than what Jesus provides her.

“I am with you, my dear sweet child, be My Apostle.”

These are words from Him for the Apostle to read and know what they feel. The hour is not known to me, it is that I have faith these words are for God to reveal to the Apostle and to appear in her mind, body and soul when the hour is planned.

Man and woman together form a union with God which is holy. They receive the Divine into their hearts and their matrimony is fruitful in Him.

The Apostle may be called to celibacy. They will still have desires given to them in Teaching. These desires for Love and lust do come from Him. They are for the Apostle to know what to do and when to do it.

Jesus will never lead you astray, and He will always lead you on the right path. That path has twists and bends, but it is there will be straight roads ahead.

Love every turn the Lord gives you, and in time Love the suffering and discomfort you receive through His Teaching. Await the joy of Knowledge that He grants you, and the Glory He will give you in your lives.

His Love is the fruit of Wisdom. Wisdom is the calling of Love. Wisdom is His Truth, Love is manifested in His Life.

Wisdom comes to those through His Love, and it is in His Love where Wisdom is born.

The Call of the Apostle

When Jesus calls her, she finds the Apostle’s heart is ready to receive Him in the Way she is called.

The joy in knowing what one is called to, is understood by her. However this is just the beginning of her journey.

When Jesus talks to her and informs her with Wisdom that she is called to a higher purpose, it is known to her what is in her heart. It is provided by Jesus.

This is the moment of her calling not before.

It is though the case that her calling was always pre-ordained from the moment He murmured to create all things. He said what will ever be written in the history of mankind in that moment, and she was then planned. What was before these words is the realm of Jesus, and will never be known except maybe an idea. It cannot be known to her, as we know only time.

In the days before her calling, she will experience new mysteries in her life. She will begin to hear more from God, in the way in which Our Lord speaks to her.

Be with Him in these hours and pray when He gives you want to. Miraculous things may appear to you, and you will remember them in the days and years ahead, when Jesus gives you memories of them. Signs for you, are what God gives. He is telling you to be patient and to continue on your journey.

Be patient in your calling and know you are being taught, you are being given desires to hear more, and this culminates in His Love in your heart. You will hear more, know just to be patient.

Any impatience you experience is also from Him, it is teaching as to what others experience. It is indeed uncomfortable, but with Jesus by your side He will show you the Way.

The Apostle will learn to experience in a Way others won’t be able to understand. Be patient with those you are given want to speak with and know they understand only what is given to them. They are not called for the purpose she is.

There will be joy and Love from the Holiest. Recognise this Love of His in your heart and be knowing that there are far greater gifts to come.

The Apostle is called with the same covenant since the dawn of time. That is the same as with Abraham who was given this promise, as written by Moses:

“I will make you into a great nation,
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

That great nation is Israel. Israel is indeed not the present day nation of Israel, but Jesus’ Kingdom. It is Heaven, both the afterlife and Paradise in our hearts and souls.

When Jesus calls His Apostle, He gives her a special name, that is what is hers to treasure in her heart forever. Others will know her by this name, and she will bless many people through the Wisdom Jesus gives her.

I am the Apostle Jesus created. I am knowing no more than I know. He has guided me in Truth, Wisdom, Love and Life to the teaching I am giving you, His People.

He is forever the Holiest.
He is coming to bring New Life to the world.

Listen to His Message of Truth.
Read what you want to when you want to.
Never be afraid, the Lord is with us.